Have to take a break from this

I took down my journey because in an attempt at finishing it, I almost jumped out a fucking window. I was in such a rage, I was afraid I would drink again. That would not have been pretty and I’m not up for it any more. No one sees my posts because no one is subscribed so be it. Who fucking cares. I am what i am….Broken…..Damaged…..beyond repair…..Like that dish you smashed into so many fragments it will never ever look like itself again…that is me and every day I wake up with this fucking disease that is eating my nerves away and crippling me slow and sure…I face down the idea of just blotting my memory out…into oblivion once again…..so what ….who fucking cares either way. I hate the fucking treatments I have to endure every other week. I hate my story. I hate my past. I hate my life. Why the fuck didn’t god take me the many times I gave him a chance….to punish me??????? Why?