Hello world!

I keep thinking I am going to have time to write it all down before I die.  I need to write it down and see it in black and white-remind myself that I am alive.  I need to know my brother didn’t die in vain; that someone out there understands.  Maybe someone out there will read my story and think that maybe they are not hopeless…that maybe they can hang on another day…that it won’t always be unbearable.  So many kids who grew up like me have come and gone…suicides, overdoses, mentally ill, criminal, crazy, dead…the worst of the worst will never be heard because those who lived it are too damaged to tell it….I, however, survived when I shouldn’t have…died and came back….damaged, but alive.  My life is a mistake..it should have ended many times and long ago…”Heaven doesn’t want me and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over…”–My mantra.

Whatever!