This Animal Inside Me

This animal inside me, it hungers every day,

It lies to me and tells me

it will take my pain away.

When first I fed this animal,

it made me glow inside;

So I kept on feeding him,

I soon found out he lied.

He lied when to me when first,

he made my pain subside,

He lied to me when he required constant feeding,

And took me for a ride.

A ride that led to violence,

Depression and hate.

A ride that all my feedings

Could never quite abate.

The animal raged inside me for many years too long;

The animal twisted all my thoughts,

Right turned into wrong.

Wrong became the norm as the animal grew strong,

And feeding him was no longer my choice;

As his appetite grew long.

No matter how much I fed him,

He always wanted more;

Never satisfied;

It was a burden that I bore.

All those sins I learned about when I was but a child;

Came to fruition as the animal went wild.

It took me to the gutter,

Body broken, soul was dead;

The animal made all my choices,

It owned my heart and head.

When I became to sick and empty to feed him anymore,

He raged at me for ten long days in a detox to make me pure.

Detox was a nightmare;

The animal screamed all day;

It woke me from my slumber,

Wanting me to play.

Sometime after detox and a year of depriving him;

I started to feel like a human being again.

Over the years the animal has reared it’s ugly head;

Promising me freedom, but guaranteeing death.

It has been a long time now since this animal was wild;

He was the controlling force inside me since I was just a child.

But today I know he’s lying when he whispers in my ear;

One shot of me and I will remove all your doubt and fear.

Sobriety has been a long road;

I damaged myself a lot

After ten years of sobriety;

I still remember his big part.

I pay the price each day as pain courses through my body,

It burns my muscles, my bones and all that once was godly.

But I wake up every day,

And face the animal down;

He will not steal another day,

Make me his foolish clown.

The animal never dies,

He patiently awaits,

For a moment in my life when I need my pain to just abate.

I have to remember every day what the animal really does.

Once I unleash him and I become the person I once was.